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All of us have been through it but we don't even remember how it was like on the day of our own delivery.  But I'm sure we have the general idea how it must have been like. Enter images of frantic medical staff, blood stained OR table, and slimey, messy wrinkly you being hoisted upsidedown before a sanitized gloved hand slaps your tush. Taking in the harsh lighting, the awful sterile smells, the strange figures in green caps, gowns and facemasks -- it probably made me feel awfully alone and teriffied. I mean, who wouldn't struggle to crawl back to mommy's tummy considering the circumstances?

This is how I would sum up my feelings right now:

"I feel like a newborn. Kicking and screaming." -Take a Picture (Filter)-

Happy Easter Sunday. Phew.


"Your don't love a girl because of beauty.  You love her because she sings a song only you can understand."

-James Rasmussen (Night World Book 1 by L.J. Smith)-

I used to think that love is a form of temporary hysteria and I also half suspected I would wind up being an old belligent spinster.  I never imagined I would mellow this way.  Basta.

Best wishes and congratulations to the newlyweds Mr. Jay Khadar and Mrs. Jen Wee Khadar!



Benjamin, Benjamin, you nasty you! Please come back home to your mom.  She's worried about you.


Better stay away from Cupid.  He's heavily armed and dangerous.



He could inflict you with a suffering far worse than death.  He can make you fall in love.


grabe, ang bilis ko lumaki.  Since I skipped training lumobo nanaman ako.  Tsk, sarap kumain eh.  Yan tuloy ang bigat ko nanaman! I miss going to the camp sobra! eto pramis:  balik- muay thai na ako starting Jan 5.  Haaaay. .. . makakatakbo kaya ako ulit sa oval ng ganinto?  Naku, yari nanaman ako kay Kru nito!

Father Buddy was right.  This is not a moment for many words.

Words  simply cannot capture the depth and the intensity of the nameless emotions triggered by this tragic loss.  Now, while we struggle to come into grips with her untimely passing, the thought of my own mortality and that of the people I hold dear gnaws me once more.  And again, the relentless overload of questions keep burning in my head.  How do you console a mother who has suddenly lost her only daughter when she was all she had?  How would you, as a friend, get over the shock and the pain of realizing that you will never have the chance to see her or hear from her ever again?  How will we cope with being welcomed with a pile of ashes encased in a cold, metallic receptacle, where, once there was a witty, hip, vibrantly gutsy young woman?

Diane Scarlet (May 27, 1987 - November 1, 2008) you are dearly missed. .. .

What is it that genuine friendships give us?  Possibly everything.

That is why, sometimes, I feel that a simple "Thank you" is not enough.

Huey, salamat ng marami.. . .
Ms. Marj and I were chatting while finishing our coffee dessert drinks just outside the campus one evening.  And just when I was about to deliver this clever punchline, she suddenly cut me short and motioned me toward the main gate saying, "Mare, may kakaiba sa gate.  Tignan mo mabuti."

I  walked over to the grills and gave it a thorough look pero I couldn't see anything unusual about it -- until I looked up and smiled in surprise.

Ikaw, try to see if you could point out anything strange about the main gate.

ok kita mo na?

Nothing else gives me a greater sense of accomplishment than seeing my students grow up and well on their way to being the men they yearn to be.

Imagine, mga dati kong students, bumabalik at ako naman ang kanilang tinuturuan.  Nakakataba ng puso na ang aking mga dating mentees ay akin nang mga mentors ngayon.

sa aking mga Batch Dawn and Eccezionale kids, salamat sa inyong mga CS3 pointers and for being my health advisers,fashion consultants, fitness gurus, financial counselors, events coordinators, computer technicians and armchair therapists.

Miss ko na kayong lahat! *bearhugs!*


katabi ko ngayon si Chairman Ven, fresh from UP Baguio! haha!

and, I just had my haircut yesterday.  Again.  This is the 5th haircut already since a little a month ago and now I'm having the compulsion to have another one today.

Tsk, this is baaaad, Rani.


It's helplessly frustrating to learn that just when you are certain you have finally put it all behind you and have started your life anew, the very thing that caused you so much pain comes back to you, looming like a giant tidal wave, then crashes down, wipes you out and drags you down to the depths you never want to venture back in.  With my primary resistance at it's most critical low, one word was all it took to crack, what I thought to be, my well fortified defenses.

And at once, the woman that I thought I was -- the woman who wouldn't bend. the towerblock -- found herself left to her own devices and her tearstained face in her hands again.


I have been swamped lately and now that I am on vacation [yeay!], I finally have enough time on my hands to start making entries and answer tag surveys. Now let’s see how this one will turn out. .. .


This is how it goes:

Put your music player [iPod/ Creative Zen/ iTunes/ Whatever else you have] on shuffle mode.

1. Press forward for each question.

2. Answer the questions by the song title that comes up even if it doesn’t make sense.

3. No Cheating!


and try to click onto the Song Title so you could get to listen to some of the songs too!

1. How are you feeling today?

Adrenaline Gavin Rossdale


“Adrenaline, screaming out your name.  Adrenaline, you don’t even feel the pain. Wilder than your wildest dreams.  When you’re going to extremes, it takes adrenaline.”


Waking up to sore, aching muscles. Looking stupidly at your limb bruises and yelping for your swelling knuckles while you gingerly step into the shower after a day’s training, yeah, that day when you were Kru’s flavour of the month – Hah, asah pa!

2. Will you get far in life?

“Justice” Victor Wooten


Parang bomalabs ang konek nito ah, pero anyhoo this cut reminds of this something that [soon-to-be Atty.] J shared with me weeks ago that went on like this:


May the god of Civil Law perfect you upon consent.  May the god of Crimminal Law bless you with exempting circumstances for every sin you commit.  May the god of Labor Law give you premium pay for all your efforts.  May the god of Taxation never tax you beyond your capacity.  May the god of Mercantile Law never restrictively indorse you.  May the god of Political Law never deny you due process and may the god of Remedial Law never let you run out of remedies for every cause of action you may have.

3. How do your friends see you?

“Flight” Hiraya

What could it mean in the context of this question?  Uh, search me.

4. Will you get married?

Breath Pearl Jam

“Run away my son. See it all. Oh, see the world!”


This song tells me that if I don’t start emerging from my comfort zone, I would likely end up an old, bitter and regretful baglady. Hala! Haha

5. What is your best friend’s theme song?

Much Afraid Jars of Clay


“So I lay at Your Feet all my brokenness.  I carry all of my burdens to You.”


I remember how Russ said that “Be not afraid” is mentioned more than 365 times in The Great Book.  This one is probably more like my Best Friend’s song for me.

6. What is the story of your life?

Can’t Take It In Imogen Heap


“Oh, empty m heart.  I’ve got to make room for this feeling – so much bigger than me. .. .”


The feeling of happiness could get pretty overwhelming sometimes, but I’ll get around to being comfortable with it.  Basta.  Someday, I’ll truly embrace my worth.

7. What was high school like?

Love of My Life Extreme


Huwaat?!! The only remote connection this song has with my STC days is that my some of my high school BFFs were all ape about Extreme and all the other big hair rock daddies then.  It was the heyday of spandex and shoulder pads, what can I say?

8. How can you get ahead in life?

A Tonic Reprise Wolfgang


Halaaaa. .. . kalunos lunos naman ng kinabukasan ko  kung nagkataon. This shuffle mode’s embarrassing me

9. What is the best thing about your friends?

Kalayaan The Dawn


“Heto ang kahinaan ko, inaalay ko sa Iyo upang bigyan ng tibay at lakas ang isang katulad ko.  . .. .Ikaw ang kalayaan ko!”


Oh, san ka pa, ha!


I am truly blessed with awesome, inspiring and wonderful friends.  And for that I’m so grateful.

10. What is today going to be like?

Not My Day A Murder of Crows


Haha, minsan, panalo din ‘tong shuffle ko eh


“Tonight, I wanna be so careless. .. . as I lay on the ground and look at the sky, everything’s beautiful and everything’s right.”

11. What is in store for the weekend?

Skunkfunk Bassjones


Oh yeah, let’s bring in the groove!

12. What song describes you?

Spingfield Soul Stew Marge Simpson


Goodness, I’m getting flattered despite of myself. Gosh I’m grinning stoopid!  Waah, stop it! Haha!

13. To describe your grandparents?

Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots by Flaming Lips


Now this is totally funny!

14. How is your life going?

Time Stand Still Rush


This one is so right on the money, kid!  I’m riding in a giant emotional cocktail swirl of feeling of gratitude, excitement, love with a bit of longing and ebbing sadness thrown in.


“Summer’s going fast, nights growing colder.  Children growing up, friends growing older.  Freeze this moment a little bit longer.  Make each impression a little bit stronger. .. .”

15. What song will they play at your funeral?

Desire U2


Haha! It looks like I’m not about to leave this planet quietly =D

16. How does the world see you?

Don’t Cry Seal


What’s gonna be my take on this? Hmmm. .. .

17. Will you have a happy life?

Kill The Lights Birthday Massacre


OK sige, this song is not the kind of peptalk one would like to hear when one is in a slump. Haha!


I’m not sure if my life will be happy but I’m definitely sure it would be worthwhile and exciting!

18. What do your friends really think of you?

Don’t Know What To Do [Don’t Know What To Say] Ric Segretto


 Olats naman ‘to, oh. Aaack! Old School mush! My toes are curling! Nyaaah!

19. How can I make myself happy?
Enjoy The Silence Depeche Mode


Sasha and Dingwood Techno Mix version pa ‘to ah. Yipes, tanda ko na talaga.  Sige na nga, tatahimik na ako.


20. What should you do with your life?
Kapalaran Radioactive Sago Project


Wahahahahahahhahahahahaha! Panalo ‘to! Buti na lang hindi ito ang sagot sa No. 17!